Warriors

. Sahabat .

7:09 AM

Bismillahirahmanirrahim. Ampunkan ana atas kekasaran dan kehilangan akal ana minggu lalu. Ana dah tak tau apa sebenarnya yang merasuk diri ana ni. Setiap detik ada sahaja air mata nak jatuh. Well, being a cry baby , it's really hard handling your feelings here. Balik balik disakiti, lagi lagi orang sekeliling. Ya, orang sekeliling. Manusia yang bernama kawan, sahabat. Pernah aku dengar kata kata, " Biarpun sahabat kau mempunyai 100 keburukan, carilah kebaikan dalam dirinya walaupun 1, kerana itu yang menjadi sebab kau sayangkan dia" But here? My friends are all more the reason to love. But when they repel you, what else can you do. Being a loner hurts. A lot. I really miss you guys, Naurah and Afieza, and of course, the whole gang. It was the best 4 months of my life , I swear. Adakah aku tidak bersyukur? tak. Aku sangat bersyukur, sebab Allah letakkan aku kat sini. Dikelilingi ramai orang yang sayangkan aku, *hopefully* mungkin diorang ni tak menunjukkan kasih sayang diorang. Ya, deorang tinggalkan aku bersendirian. They've dithced me, hurt me, with all for one reason. To make me stronger. I'm too sensitive to live in the real world. Sikit sikit nak terasa, kan? Hek eleh Azwa dah masuk kolej, hidup sendiri ah nak mengharapkan orang sangat kenapa? kan? kan? haih. Azwa kenapa AZWA. KENAPA LEMBIK. Kenapa kau nak sakit hati. Kenapa kau mengharapkan manusia sedangkan Allah ada. Kenapa walaupun dengann statement ni kau tetap nak terluka dengan sikap kawan2 kau? Kenapa tak fikir yang sebenarnya kawan kau menjauhi kau sebab perangai kau sendiri?Sedarlah Azwa. Sedar. Sedar. Biar lah mereka tak layan perangai kau, biarlah mereka tak menunggu kau, biarlah mereka berkasar bahasa dengan kau. Asalkan mereka yang membawa kau ke jalan yang benar. Yang mendekatkan kau dengan Allah. Ya itulah sahabat yang sebenar. Biarlah aku bersendirian , biarlahh hati aku berkecai tapi diletakkan semula oleh Allah. Biarlah. Lihatlah kebaikan dalam sahabat kau Azwa. Tak nampak ke batapa diorang sayangkan kau.

. Shame on you , Azwa .

7:53 AM

. Salahkah berkempen ? .

4:56 PM

Bismillahirahmanirrahim . Such a beautiful morning , aite? So, It's going to be an express post since I only have a few hours to write this. I usually took a whole day to write a blog post. Ok, berkempen? Maybe most of you didn't know that I got a great responsibility here in MKIC. (Wait, ana berperasan je ni ramai pembaca, padahal takda). Ana dilantik sebagai ketua batch, it's actually a non-official post. Ana tak sangka dapat sebenarnya , tapi itulah kebenaran dari ujian statistik pengundian. *hekeleh hang ni* To simplify your confusedness, being a batch leader means looking out for my batch. Not to mention that , ana tercalon dalam MPP. Which means I have to prepare a manifesto and stuffs. The only thing now is I only realised that its wrongg , but I can feel that it's right too. Before I tell you why it’s wrong, let me tell you why I think I’m capable to handle this SRC thingy. Bukan nak perasan. T_T Families and friends come to me to tell me their problems, ask for my advice, wants my motivation. Tu je pun, not much , semua orang boleh buat kan? Tapi entahla, mungkin ana rasa tu kelebihan yang ana ada, tu talent ana. MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. This is why I think I can handle this. To be honest , here’s the ugly truth, to be in the SRC, that is not enough. You need to be strict, you have to be a discipline person. Tak boleh pilih kasih. Kena adil. Kena banyak ilmu , because if you’re going to be a leader , might as well follow Rasulullah’s (SAW) way. Be a leader that fulfilled the 5 pillars of islam, that never leaves their solat , never procrastinates them, be pious, patience is important as well. On top of it you have to be strong, but humble at the same time. So , if you think giving your name to the SRC is as easy as peach pie, I’m sorry my friend. Melibatkan diri dalam MPP ni bukan untuk popularity, bukan sebab nak kuasa , sebab kalau itu tujuan antum, ana tak boleh bayangkan betapa banyak dosa yang ditampung , kerana setiap satu kesalahan anak buah yang dilakukan kerana kecuaian seorang pemimpin, dosa semua masuk akaun pemimpin. Kat Akhirat nati , sorang sorang tuntut pahala mereka. (huwaaaa scaryyy) T_T Kenapa salah kalau meminta jawatan (mencalonkan diri)? isk isk isk . (banjir dah blog ni dengan ayaq mata).

Dari Abdurrahman bin Samurah ra berkata: Rasulullah saw bersabda “ Hai Abdur Rahman bin Samurah janganlah kamu meminta jawatan , sekiranya kamu diberi jawatan dengan memintanya Allah akan menyerahkannya untukmu menguruskannya (tanpa bantuan Allah), sekiranya engkau memperolehinya dengan tanpa memintanya Allah akan membantunya.” Hadis sahih Bukhari 6248 dan Muslim. Sabda Nabi : Sesungguhnya kamu kelak akan berlumba-lumba untuk mendapatlan jawatan dan kamu akan menyesal di Hari Akhirat Kelak. Ibid 7148

Mana taknya ana menangis , ana petik hadis ni dari buku “50 AKHLAK AHLI SALAFUSSOLEH”. Seandainya ana dipilih , ana trima. Tapi ana mungkin tidak akan berkempen. Bagi rakan rakan calon MPP, jangan risau jangan nangis.

Dalam sirah nabawiyah tentang nabi Yusuf AS. Allah berfirman “Berkata Yusuf: "Jadikanlah aku bendaharawan negara (Mesir); Sesungguhnya aku adalah orang yang pandai menjaga, lagi berpengetahuan". (QS 12;55)

Dalam konteks ni Nabi Yusuf menawarkan diri sebab dia rasa tiada lain yang layak selain dia . Hukum nya harus . Kalau kita bagi nama dalam MPP kira macam kita yang mintak la kan? T___T Sesungguhnya ana tidak peroleh ilmu sebegitu yang melayakkan ana untuk masuk MPP. Tapi takpa, selepas manifesto In shaa Alla hati ana akan tenang semula. AMIIN.

Besar amanah ni sebenarnya, I’m scared. The best way is just not to think about it and live on with my life. To my MPP friends , I believe in you , and I’m sure that you guys are going to be great, akan ku kempenkan untuk antum semua jangan risau.

Umar berkata:Kalau baghal (campuran kuda dan keldai) jatuh tergelincir di irak tuhan akan bertanya pada ku “kenapa engkau tidak meratakan jalan hai umar.” Abu bakar as-sidiq berkata:Demi Allah aku tidak tamak rasa terhadap kepimpinan siang atau malam dan tidak teringin padanya. Aku juga tidak pernah memohon pd Allah utk meminta jawatan samada depan orang ramai atau sorang2, tetapi aku amat takut sangat dgn ujian kepimpinan.

Kita ambil remeh tentang ni walhal Khalifah Ar Rasyidin pun gerun memegang jawatan yang dipikul. Memang, it’s a small thing actually. But come to think of it , dosa pahala sekrang nampak tak penting la, tunggu dah mati nanti baru kita tau.

Allah is sufficient for us

. Negativity at it's best.

7:33 AM

Bismillahirahmanirrahim. salam alayk ihwah wa akhowwat. Salam Subuh. Hari ni dah masuk hari ke 20 ana dekat MKIC. Classes started , and my life started to become a bit stable. Things get into routine , lazy weekends and hectic weekdays. Homework, assignments and other stuffs as well. I was really excited with A&D , but my first drawing was really unexpected. *Sigh* We have to draw lines to fill up a A1 paper. it was exhausting, and the next one is to draw circles, also to fill up that gigantic paper. Selain dari tu , hidup ana hambar. Not to mention that my OCD is driving me crazy. Because of this silly disorder, I've cried a couple of times. I can't focus to study and all I care to do is cleaning. Pagi mengemas, tengah hari mengemas, malam mengemas. Memang sepah sikit, hati dah tak tenang. Sampai tahap ana stress. There are some pros and cons having this weird fetish. The good thing about it is that I can assure you that I'll be a good wife *perasan baq ang*, but the bad side of it that it could literally lead me to stress. Stress is the reason I'm sick. Yes, I haven't recovered, Allah sayang orang yang sakit ni kan? Ana hanya tabah menghadapi segala halangan. Today my dad told me that , even if you're sick and you get an MC, don't take advantage of it, you just might not know what you're missing. If you're strong enough to go on with life, then go ahead, don't let your sickness rule you. Allah's watching your every move. Don't pity yourself. Other than my sadistic life, everything else is okay, I'm starting to love the place, maybe mostly because of the people here.
So what about negativity? *baru nak masuk tajuk , ohoi.* please imagine me being stern nagging to all of you. The common society has this little attitude of being humble, not all of them, some. So humble that I feel like throwing a shoe into their faces. It's really annoying you see. "Aku tak pandai", "Aku bodoh, tak macam kau pandai gila". "Aku dari sekolah harian, aku bukan sekolah agama, aku bukan SBP , MRSM" , "Aku tak cantik lah, hodoh kot.", "Aku tak pandai speaking , mesti fail IELTS". Eiiii , geram. Just for your information , I was once a negative person, insecurities conquered me, especially when I went to UTP. To compare myself with all those geniuses, I'm just a speck amongst the atmosphere. Yes, I'm from Sekolah Harian. Yes, I only have 3A+, 5A, & 1A-. Yes, I don't come from a religious background, and many more uncountable flaws. Alhamdulillah , I've changed. I started to be positive.What's my secret? Meh dekat sikit ceq nak bisik. Have faith in Allah, and trust yourself. Every word you said, and if you believe it , that's what you'll get. So if you said that you won't score, then you won't. Be stress free (I'm still trying), Why do you worry when you already know that everything happens for a reason , Allah has set a path for you. I've tried being a positive person , and it helps a lot. I mean, what is there to be negative about ? Why let people see your weakness? Is there anything to be loved about in being a negative person. When you put your lifeline in Allah's hand, I guarantee you that everything will be much easier. Even when you're in deep pain. When you lose a friend , Allah is trying to protect you from being back stabbed or hurt by the person. When you failed in your test, Allah is reminding you that all of this academic accomplishments are hubbun dunya, termasuklah penghargaan manusia. Nak pandai ke mana? Cakap pasal positive ni tadi baru balik dari tazkirah selepas ishak di surau MKIC, Mr President bagi tazkirah pasal Hadith ke 19 dalam 40 Hadith Imam Nawawi tu. Tawakkal. So sangat berkaitan dengan apa yang ana cakap hari ni. (Percaya atau tidak, ana tulis blog ni dari kul 5 pagi sampai ke malam?) All in all, being negative is the destruction of life, it brings down one's self esteem, and it can lead to depression. Trust me , I've self harm just because lack of self confidence. Alhamdulillah semua ni dah berhenti setahun. I guess that's all I wanted to talk bout. Oh and one more, to Izzaty Sazly, BE STRONG GIRL. I'M HERE FOR YOU SAYANG. Back to reality, Alhamdulillah , sehambar hambarnya kehidupan dalam hutan ni, ana dikurniakan housemates yang terbaik lahhh. 11 orang kesemuanya. Comel comel belaka. I love them. Ukhuwwah yang dibina sememangnya manis. Cakap pasal ukhuwwah, I've tried to create a righteous biah inside our home, and Alhamdulillah , my housemates are all tolerable. They would agree on any suggestion that I come across. It's fun living in this kind on environment. So, I want to thank my dearest housemates , because of you , I 've fallen in love. Because of you, I feel like I'm home. Thank you. Panija, Adilah, Siti, Ilaila, Fadhilah, Syuhada, Atiqah, Aina, Fatimah, Najwa, dan Anis. Dear Rafael, Hope you're doing fine in your new environment. Be strong, I know the subjects you're taking is damn hard. Further maths especially, hwaiting !! Your family is really nice to contact me. I miss them too. I hope that you're doing well, I hope that I can meet you soon. It's funny that we're so near, yet so far. Tapi ini semua dugaan kan? sabar je lah. Ada hikmah.

Be my star and I'll be your light

. MKIC dan Raya .

8:38 AM

Bismillahirahmanirahim , Allahummasollia'la Muhammad, wa'ala ali Muhammad.

Hi Guys, it has been a while. I've been busy through Ramadhan and Eid , since the WorldCup match is over I have registered to my new school. MARA KETENGAH International College. Well , what can I say? , I was here for only a week. Then we headed home for Eid celebration. Let's see , from my room's view , It's quite a scenery since there's literally nothing here except the woods. The weather? It's not that bad, the warm breeze cools down the campus. Some nights, the weather is just so hot and sticky, not to mention the creepy crawlies that I've never seen before . I could've opened up a museum. Anyway, I'm still alive. Alhamdulillah. It''s a 200m walk from the hostel to our campus. Can't tell you anything about the classes here though, they don't start til tomorrow. The seniors here are incredibly nice. The food is amazing, seriously. Everything here is okay I guess. Nothing could lead me to death. But, why oh why ,do I still feel so down?

I could guess that you're wondering why I'm not enthusiastic as I was when I told you about UTP. Of course, MKIC is not comparable to UTP, the residence, facilities and all. The surrounding? well UTP had a righteous biah, so does MKIC , but it's not as strong as it is in UTP. It's completely understandable, since MKIC has only been operating for 2 years, and I'm the second batch. To achive what UTP has achived is still a long way to go. If you don't start it with yourself, who else will?

To conclude is way too early, MKIC is definitely not love at first sight ,but we can always learn to love. I didn't like it when I first got here , but the fact that it would take me to overseas and study architecture, I've decided to just go with the flow. MKIC is not all bad, in fact it's sort of a calm place to study, And it's really far away from the cities, literally. The nearest mall is Mesra Mall which is 45 minutes away from the campus. We stayed in an apartment , all 12 of us, and now that it's almost complete, I think I just might love it. May Allah bless us all, and there's a hikmah He made me opt MKIC instead of UTP. In shaa Allah. I have a strong feeling that I would really love this place. In shaa Allah. I'm looking forward in this program, and can't wait to finish it. If Allah wills it, I'll enrol to a university in UK.

Ok, tukar topik macam tukar baju. < I can never get enough of this sentence. So , Eid celebration huh? I don't know, but this year's celebration is quite lame. Hambar wehhh. Not to mentioned that I got my face burned before Raya while cooking. The oil sort of exploded. It was painful ,of course. But Alhamdulillah, my skin is felolessss now. hewhew. It only leaves traces of pink skin, new skin. Duit raya? makin tua makin kurang. basically, my raya celebration can be described in one word, "meeehhhhh" . Hmm is that even a word? Tak sempat berjalan raya pun. But worry no more bout raya, MY CLASSES START TOMORROW. I'm excited. because the first subject is Art. I really hope that I'll be happy here. It's like a dark cloud has been following me around.

I miss my home terribly. Not to mention my Ninja Turtle, Rafael, back home is struggling to survive the distance between us. Be strong dear. Ada hikmahnya. Don't worry , I don't have admirers here in MKIC. Good luck on your orientation next week in KYUEM. I'm sure you'll be fine. I'll have Azfar to take care of you and keep an eye on you. We may not be contacting frequently, but believe me, Allah has plans for us. Have faith in Him. Remember why we agreed on leaving UTP for this. 2 tahun, then everything will fall into place. Remember the code? the tortoise? Remember the vow we made? Don't forget. You don't have to worry about me, because you have my heart. All you have to do is pray to Allah for us, focus on your studies, tawakal, make your parents happy, plan your future, pray that we'll fly. In shaa Allah. Be strong.I guess that's all , I need to get ready for tomorrow. Assalamualaikum.

Hwaiting , ninja turle. Hasbunallahuwani'malwakeel

. Sahabat .

. Shame on you , Azwa .

. Salahkah berkempen ? .

. Negativity at it's best.

. MKIC dan Raya .

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