. Abused .
7:50 AM
Assalamualaikum.
Its been what? a year? Yes. Well pardon me, I'm too busy being a wife and a daughter during my semester break. I'm stealing time because my husband is currently playing Skyrim beside me.
So what about today's topic? Abuse. I'm not abused don't get me wrong but people around me are. Some of my friends are in abusive relationships, some of them have abusive parents. Abusing doesn't really mean that you beat the shit out of someone. But if it does leave a mark, it's abusing. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Everyone can be abusive, anywhere, anytime because sometimes it's in their 'nature' to be harshand called it love. Here are a few traits that represent abuse,
1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people. Sometimes even in front of your family, remember it doesn't really have to be in a romantic relationships. It can happen between parents and their children as well. For example, you tell others about how cheapskate your spouse is, or how your kid is lazy and never help you with anything.
2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs. This, always happen when parents think they're right even when they are actually wrong. Sometimes, they felt humiliated when given a different opinion.
3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. This has become a norm we forget how sarcasm has actually hurt so many relationships.
4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks. It's not wrong if you're jealous, or hurt. There is no such thing as being too sensitive. If you hurt someone with certain words, you hurt others with the same words as well. Some people are better at handling their emotions than others.
5. They try to control you and treat you like a child. Clingy, and not trusting your partner, always expecting the worst to happen.
6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior. If you love them you should accept them for what they are.
7. They try to control the finances and how you spend money. Its your money you have the right to spend it however you want it. They shouldnt judge you or tell you what you spend on and what you shouldnt.
8. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams. our spouse, our family should be the first people to give support in everything you do. Parents shouldnt tell their children the only professions that actually make sense in this realm are doctors and engineers. Your spouse shouldn't question your choice of profession.
9. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong. This, is so common in our community, its one way or the other.
10. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.
11. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.
12. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.
13. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.
14. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.
15. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.
16. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.
17. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.
18. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.
19. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time. Always busy, always avoiding, always with excuses.
20. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want. Sulking is fine, but when its done for different reasons it doesnt really end with cute coaxing.
21. They don’t show you empathy or compassion. Always blaming you. always looking for your mistakes.
23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility. This is what i hate the most. Manipulating your partner making them feel like they're the one who's giulty.
24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you. Worst than silent treatment. This one comes with slamming doors, throwing stuffs.
25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings. Not even a bit of consideration towards your feelings and in the end accusing you for being too sensitive.
26. They share personal information about you with others. No one should be with someone that is not trustworthy.
27. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.
28. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.
Im writing this today, because im concerned for my friend, and because it dawned to me that im actually really abusive to my spouse and i really hope that i can change. I'm like really really really abusive. I think people would've guessed my dark personality by reading my past blog posts. Do pray that I change for the better, jazallahu khairan kathiran. InshaaAllah. May Allah Bless.
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