Warriors: March 2014

. Love out of Music .

7:39 PM

The house was hers alone , Its 3 in the morning and everyone is still asleep . She looked at her spouse beside her , who's in a really deep sleep after a long exhausting trip from their campus. Slowly , she crept out of the room , tiptoeing to her small piano. She haven't touch that darling for months! Opening the lid , she run her fingers gently over the keys. Taking her best position , she started to play on the song "From Beginning Till Now-Winter Sonata" , one of her favourite piece. The music went smoothly at first but then there's a different note that interferes. She stopped immediately , and played again . Her memory of the song is losing, she panicked when everything comes out of place. With her fist , she punch on the bass notes hard. She looked through the hallway where her parents' bedroom is and relieved that they didn't hear her atrocious music playing. She's no pianist , she never went to classes . She never took all those expensive exams in front of the British men that'll cost around RM400 .YouTube inspired her , she always wanted to play the piano so her parents sent her for basic classes and that's all . She developed by practicing with a cheap keyboard until her parents are impressed enough to by a small piano for her. But on top all of that she started to regret not going for proper classes and exams. Tears run down her cheeks , her sniffing was the only sound heard in the middle of the hall. She didn't realise how she was crying in someone's protective strong hug. Clearly,she was too busy crying that her sniffing woke her husband. Her senses started to come to her and she started to cry louder because she felt humiliated. He pulled out a rotten piece of paper and gave it to her . It was the music sheet for the song she was playing , she haven't seen the paper since high school . She wiped her face with her sleeves and looked at him to the paper multiple times with question marks hovering above her head. "Teach me" he said. She coughed out a little laugh "But.." . "Teach me" He said , again. Her heart bloomed with happiness knowing that her lover actually wanted to play instead of hearing her play. She moved to treble and put her husband's hand on the bass. She placed her hand on his and they started to play. At first it sounded like nothing , then she started to wander off in her own world , he pulled his hand free and watched her. She played the song , from her heart , even by looking at the notes , it never sounded more beautiful than that night. Smoothly without a flaw , she released the paddle and looked at him. She hugged him by his neck tightly and said thanked him . "It's okay not to be perfect, you don't have to be Beethoven to impress anyone , because your flaws made you perfect." He said while holding her face. "I love you" she said through her tears. "Love is like a piano , to have the best melody , you have to play it with your heart" He finished his sentence with a kiss on her forehead and both went to bed like nothing happened that night. The next day and every other day , whenever she wants to play , she'll have him by her side knowing that he will always support her even when the the music is out of tune.

Ni la yang akan terjadi bila Azwa kebengongan , menulis . Hehe. touching le tu. Ana sebenarnya sakit kepala tahap gaban ni. Sebab jatuh bilik air . Jadi nak study tak boleh , tapi nak mennulis boleh je, kurang asam ye dak? study je bnyak alasan. Cerpen bersiri ana "DI SEBALIK RAK 800" dan "AKU SEORANG MISTERI" ana dah delete sebab ana rasa macam tak sesuai je , ye lah ,yang tu tulis masa jahil. haha. Lepas ni ana akan mula tulis siri cerpen yang baru In shaa Allah , nak mencari inspirasi dulu. Tapi serius ana nak ais , nak letak atas pala nih. sakit betul . Ana rasa rugi sangat ya Allah . Ana nak pergi bengkel photoshop tu. huu . Bukan rezeki ana hari ni. K la nak rehat sebentar. mata sudah berpinar pinar. Assalamualaikum .

. Dilemma diluahkan kepada ? .

11:05 AM

Bismillahirahmanirrahim . Hi people . So yeah. I'm proud to announce that I'm procrastinating. Yeah , I have a long to do list , but I have not started on anything yet. Lab assessment, and 4 assignments , Why Azwa why. Oh well , I should sleep earlier tonight since I don't have the mood to start on anything. The problem is , when can I enjoy weekends, as weekends are supposed to be my leisure time. I can do so many things today , like drawing but I don't want to because I feel guilty drawing when I know I have so many assignments to complete .But I didn't want to do my assignments as they're just my weekend mood spoilers. Argh , I'm in a dilemma. How am I suppose to do all that tomorrow, occupied in a Photoshop tutorial in the morning , laundry chores in the afternoon , will do a bit of the lab assessment , and some essays , might have drama practice during the night. Then , it's Monday , all over again . I should start packing . Azwa azwa azwa awat yang kalut sangat tah . Sabar separuh dari iman. Ana petang tadi agak stress dan call mak ,cerita kat mak segala isi hati dan jantung ni , ternyata memang betul apa yang mak cakap . Kenapa ana nak stress sebab kan semua ni , kenapa ana nak sedih , kenapa ana nak ambil tahu bila semua tu hanya menyakitkan ana. Jadi ana bersyukur , bersyukur sebab Allah SWT hadirkan orang orang yang baik sekeliling ana , terutama sekali seorang sahabat ana ni . Walaupun baru kenal tahun lepas, ana rasa bersalah dan terhutang budi sebab ana dah banyak kali menyusahkan dia. Asif. In shaa Allah , akan ada hari ana balas jasa sahabat ana tu . Macam ni lah , straight to the point , ana nak cakap pasal luahan. ana nak tekankan kenapa nak luahkan kepada manusia? Allah kan ada , luahkan saja kat Allah. Allah is always there for you , Allah always answers your prayers. When you feel alone , talk to Allah, by your solat. And you will know the answer by reading Quran.

Oh Allah, I told you: I'm in pain
You said: 'Do not despair of the mercy of Allah' (39:53)
I told you: Many people hurt me
You said: 'So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them' (3:159)
I told you: I feel I'm alone
You said: 'We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein' (50:16)
I told you: My sins are so many
You said: 'And who can forgive sins except Allah?' (3:135)
I told you: Do not leave me
You said: 'So remember Me; I will remember you...' (2:152)
I told you: I'm facing a lot of difficulties in life
You said: 'And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out' (65:2)
I told you: I have many dreams that I want to come true
You said: 'Call upon Me; I will respond to you.' (40:60)
"Mankind there has come to you a guidance from your Lord and a healing for (the diseases) in your hearts, and for those who believe a guidance and a mercy. (Yunus, 10;57)

Ana tak cakap yang kita ni tak perlukan manusia , tak, salah tu. Kalau nak luahkan , luahkan kepada ibu bapa , itu cara terbaik yang ana rasa. Sejak ana rapat dengan parents sejak pertengahan form 4 (Alhamdulillah) Ana rasa macam satu rahmat yang Allah SWT berikan. Pada mulanya ,memang susah, ego kita tinggi kan bila dengan mak ayah ? Ana ambil masa setahun jugak nak menangis , nak meroyan dekat mak ayah. Ternyata merekalah orang yang paling memahami , lepastu , kalau ada suami/isteri , depa jugak akan jadi tempat luahan kita. Ana share ni , bukan sebab nak perli atau apa, hanya sekadar peringtan , A sweet reminder for you and me. Especially me, sometimes , I got lost from the track that I'm supposed to follow , I need reminders . So , jangan la masam masam terasa , buah pelam manis lagi rasanya. hikhik. Senyum :) . Luahkanlah kepada PenciptaMu , sesungguhnya , Dia merindukan tanginsan mu.

Dush ! tukar topik. hehe. Ana nak tegaskan kat sini , bukan ana dah anti-lelaki , tidak sama sekali , ramai dari sekolah tanya tentang perubahan ana. Bila perlu , kita berhubung , bila tak, tak perlu lah. Tak payah duk buat teruk cakap ana sombong la bebagai. ee geram. Ana tetap berkawan dengan antum semua, so what's the big deal. You just won't get my extra attention anymore. Bukan tu saja .Ana ada hati , jadi ana boleh jatuh cinta , tapi ana tak mampu nak buat apa kecuali doa. Perasaan cinta ni boleh ditarik Allah bila bila masa, dan ada hikmahnya. Dan Allah boleh je bagi rasa cinta bila bila masa , dalam bentuk nikmat dan dugaan, pandai pandai lah kena jaga hati. Ana takut jugak sebenarnya. Cakap pasal cinta ni memang topik yang ana akan sentiasa sentuh tapi topik yang paling ana takut nak coretkan. Ya Allah , percepatkanlah jodohku. Jauhkan aku dari maksiat. amin . amin . amin . amin . Ana minta maaf lah sejak sejak ni tak dak idea idea yang bernas , cuma sekadar melepaskan rindu jari jemari menari nari atas papan kekunci.

1."Oh Allah , grant him happiness if he deserves it as you grant me my happiness serving You."
2. "Oh Allah, I love one of your servants, so if he is good for me, join us together in Halal under your satisfaction, but if he’s not, then turn him away from me and don’t let my heart get attached to him"

. You take me all the way .

10:02 AM

"I'm only half way there , but You take me all the way " Bismillahirahmanirrahim . Apa khabar antum semua ? :) I'll promise that this will be only a quick update. Actually I wanted to study tonight , but I can't bring myself to do so . Teruk kan ? Haha . Ya Allah , Azwa , Tahun bila nak berubah tah ? Ana join satu Daurah RM pagi tadi . Setengah hari berada di Masjid An Nur UTP . Hari ni belajar pasal Hadith 40 Imam Nawawi . Alhamdulillah , dapat jugak ilmu sedikit hari ni dari minggu2 yang lain menyerabutkan kepala otak yang memikirkan assignments dan berbagai. In shaa Allah , I'll share . But most of you just might knew them more than I have :( , Sila tunjuk ajar please . Ana nak follow blog blog sekarang ni , Reading List hambaq kot .Penuh dengan orang yang dah kahwin . Ana follow depa ni dari form 1 , jadi sekarang depa dah jadi mommy bloggers . Ana rasa pelik membacanya , -.- .
Pasal kahwin ni , hmm ana tak tau nak kata apa , memang la ana baru sahaja 17 3/4 tahun , ana muda lagi . I know I shouldn't even been thinking about this . I don't know why everything that revolves around me just came back to that one point. The more I pray to avoid all this , the more reason to get this done and over with. I know , I can see my senior's face right now , reading this post , mesti akak akak termuntah nak mendengarnya . *lambai lambai , HIIII * . I know my mum is really worried about me being here, and she has a damn good reason why she wants me to get married as early as I can. With my history , my weakness , my sickness and all . Ana sedih sebenarnya, sedih memikirkan tentang ni. Sedih sebab ana tak cukup kuat untuk jaga diri sendiri . Sudah sudah la tu Azwa. Ya Allah , jauh kan lah aku dari maksiat , jauhkan lah jauhkan lah jauhkanlah aku dari zina. Amin .
Ok , baru baru ni ana dapat result Test Chemistry , honestly it was a wreck. My result is the worst among the worst . The moment when Mam Norma called my name , I snatched the paper , when I peeked , I can feel the bile in my throat rise . Immediately , to the toilet. I vomitted, and cried , and cried cried cried . Yeah , this is normal, my school friends can interpret this. I'm a cry baby . I just can't accept the fact, especially when my marks are extremely low. Nampak tak conspiracy ? Ana trima hakikat lambat sikit . lepas 4 jam . Masuk kelas muka macam zombie. Ana fikir dah ana nak keluar je dari UTP ni , nak ambil art stream atau full islamic studies. Tapi ana fikir balik , nak putus asa ke Azwa ? Tak jugak kut , kita tengok test 2 dan final exam macam mana . Kalau pointer teruk , keluar je lah dari sini. I don't want to leave UTP , I love it here ! especially Rakan Masjid , Lajnah Strategi dan Dakwah. These girls has given me a new experience . Syukran Jazillan . Uhibbukum jamian. Azwa tahu , dalam LSD , Akak2 sekalian mungkin ada yang tak suka perangai Azwa atau fikir Azwa ni teruk atau apa apa je la , Azwa nak minta akak semua tegur Azwa , tak kira la dari segi apa pun. Azwa terima , In Shaa Allah . Go LSD!
Rakan Masjid Junior plak , hmmmmmm . I don't know how to say this . Honestly , I don't want the post as the media team leader , because I'm lazy . But when someone gives me a responsibility , I take it seriously . So , i will do it , Lillahitaa'la . I may not like one of you (muslimin) , but when we have to work together to keep this organisation going. Ana minta maaf kalau ana ada yang terkasar bahasa , atau tegas sangat . Asif . Ana hanya menjalankan tanggungjawab . Kekadang jawatan tinggi pun kena push jugak sebenarnya . Sekali lagi. MAAF . Later on the same day I got my results , I have to present in during Liqa .Which everything was prepared at the last second. I finished the slide on the last miliseconds , So was the video Fakhri made . It wasn't that great ,the slide I meant. But the video was superb . We'll try to produce more video as such in the future , on our own copyrights of course.
It's already two . Damn it . Time to take my meds , since I can't sleep. Goodnight everyone . Assalamualaikum

Pray for MH370

. 360 backflip .

9:17 PM

. Love out of Music .

. Dilemma diluahkan kepada ? .

. You take me all the way .

. 360 backflip .

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