. Negativity at it's best.

7:33 AM

Bismillahirahmanirrahim. salam alayk ihwah wa akhowwat.  Salam Subuh. Hari ni dah masuk hari ke 20 ana dekat MKIC. Classes started , and my life started to become a bit stable. Things get into routine , lazy weekends and hectic weekdays. Homework, assignments and other stuffs as well. I was really excited with A&D , but my first drawing was really unexpected. *Sigh* We have to draw lines to fill up a A1 paper. it was exhausting, and the next one is to draw circles, also to fill up that gigantic paper. Selain dari tu , hidup ana hambar. 
Not to mention that my OCD is driving me crazy. Because of this silly disorder, I've cried a couple of times. I can't focus to study and all I care to do is cleaning. Pagi mengemas, tengah hari mengemas, malam mengemas. Memang sepah sikit, hati dah tak tenang. Sampai tahap ana stress. There are some pros and cons having this weird fetish. The good thing about it is that I can assure you that I'll be a good wife *perasan baq ang*, but the bad side of it that it could literally lead me to stress. Stress is the reason I'm sick. Yes, I haven't recovered, Allah sayang orang yang sakit ni kan? Ana hanya  tabah menghadapi segala halangan. Today my dad told me that , even if you're sick and you get an MC, don't take advantage of it, you just might not know what you're missing. If you're strong enough to go on with life, then go ahead, don't let your sickness rule you. Allah's watching your every move. Don't pity yourself. Other than my sadistic life, everything else is okay, I'm starting to love the place, maybe mostly because of the people here.

So what about negativity?  *baru nak masuk tajuk , ohoi.* please imagine me being stern nagging to all of you. The common society has this little attitude of being humble, not all of them, some. So humble that I feel like throwing a shoe into their faces. It's really annoying you see. "Aku tak pandai", "Aku bodoh, tak macam kau pandai gila". "Aku dari sekolah harian, aku bukan sekolah agama, aku bukan SBP , MRSM" , "Aku tak cantik lah, hodoh kot.", "Aku tak pandai speaking , mesti fail IELTS". Eiiii , geram. Just for your information , I was once a negative person, insecurities conquered me, especially when I went to UTP. To compare myself with all those geniuses, I'm just a speck amongst the atmosphere. Yes, I'm from Sekolah Harian. Yes, I only have 3A+, 5A, & 1A-. Yes, I don't come from a religious background, and many more uncountable flaws. Alhamdulillah , I've changed. I started to be positive.What's my secret? Meh dekat sikit ceq nak bisik. Have faith in Allah, and trust yourself. Every word you said, and if you believe it , that's what you'll get. So if you said that you won't score, then you won't. Be stress free (I'm still trying), Why do you worry when you already know that everything happens for a reason , Allah has set a path for you. I've tried being a positive person , and it helps a lot. I mean, what is there to be negative about ? Why let people see your weakness? Is there anything to be loved about in being a negative person. When you put your lifeline in Allah's hand, I guarantee you that everything will be much easier. Even when you're in deep pain. When you lose a friend , Allah is trying to protect you from being back stabbed or hurt by the person. When you failed in your test, Allah is reminding you that all of this academic accomplishments are hubbun dunya, termasuklah penghargaan manusia. Nak pandai ke mana? Cakap pasal positive ni tadi baru balik dari tazkirah selepas ishak di surau MKIC, Mr President bagi tazkirah pasal Hadith ke 19 dalam 40 Hadith Imam Nawawi tu. Tawakkal. So sangat berkaitan dengan apa yang ana cakap hari ni. (Percaya atau tidak, ana tulis blog ni dari kul 5 pagi sampai ke malam?) All in all, being negative is the destruction of life, it brings down one's self esteem, and it can lead to depression. Trust me , I've self harm just because lack of self confidence. Alhamdulillah semua ni dah berhenti setahun.  I guess that's all I wanted to talk bout. Oh and one more, to Izzaty Sazly, BE STRONG GIRL. I'M HERE FOR YOU SAYANG.
Back to reality, Alhamdulillah , sehambar hambarnya kehidupan dalam hutan ni, ana dikurniakan housemates yang terbaik lahhh. 11 orang kesemuanya. Comel comel belaka. I love them. Ukhuwwah yang dibina sememangnya manis. Cakap pasal ukhuwwah, I've tried to create a righteous biah inside our home, and Alhamdulillah , my housemates are all tolerable. They would agree on any suggestion that I come across. It's fun living in this kind on environment. So, I want to thank my dearest housemates , because of you , I 've fallen in love. Because of you, I feel like I'm home. Thank you. Panija, Adilah, Siti, Ilaila, Fadhilah, Syuhada, Atiqah, Aina, Fatimah, Najwa, dan Anis.  
Dear Rafael, Hope you're doing fine in your new environment. Be strong, I know the subjects you're taking is damn hard. Further maths especially, hwaiting !! Your family is really nice to contact me. I miss them too. I hope that you're doing well, I hope that I can meet you soon. It's funny that we're so near, yet so far. Tapi ini semua dugaan kan? sabar je lah. Ada hikmah.
Be my star and I'll be your light

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