So when this drama is over , it's time for scholarship applying. Which I'm not really good at. But I did apply a number of scholarships , and not to forget UPU. I didn't really want to be an engineer. I wanted to be an architect in shaa Allah one day. So I applied for that particular course. After applying and applying , I have this dilemma week where I cried and cried and cried . I was sad , because I don;t know why , there is a feeling telling me that UTP is not where I belong. It doesn't matter how many times I did istikharah. Then I was sad and ashamed of myself , because I DID NOT DESERVED STRAIGHT As.

 I know people who worked harder than me, but they didn't get what they're supposed to get. I know people smarter than me , they were quite shocked with their results as well as mine. What is Allah trying to show , I'm not more than a sinner , I've not done anything to deserve this kind of glory , O Allah , please show me your light :( . Thru April , one by one the results of the scholarship came out , one by one sadness hits me like a metal pan , I've not gotten anything yet out of all that I've applied. Finally , I got MARA , but sadly , I didn't go to the interview , WHY ? SEBAB GATAI PI APPLY LUAQ NEGARA . Ana dapat , Seni Bina , dekat UK , tapi persediaan dekat Kolej Mara Seremban. Parents ana tak bagi pergi luar negara sebab tak de mahram. Betapa hancur nya hatiiiiii  ohoi. It was my dream afterall , you know to study overseas. Knowing the kind of kid I was (Culture shocked) , they don't allow it. Maybe , if they let me go , I'd be arrogant , sombong bongkak , riyaa' dan sebagainya. 

Allah swt showed me my istikarah answer thru them. Sungguh , I waited for UPU , and I got my third choice which is diploma in Interior Designing , so this choice is cancelled out from my list, because it's diploma. I was hoping that UPU would put me on my frist choice , which is UIA, alas , bukan rezeki ana. Again , Allah answered y questions. There's one thing left , USM results. But then , unfortunately , my parents did not acknowledge this earlier , and we missed the closing date. Well , its my fault of course. I didn't gave my ful attention on it. For the third time again , Allah showed me my path. Staying in UTP is the answer. Even tho , there is a heavy feeling choosing this answer , but I didn't mind spending my time in UTP surrounded by the beautiful people. I didn't want to stay, because I can't cope with the subjects. But I didn't want to leave either. Since I'm staying for the year , pray for me , please . May Allah ease everything. May Allah blesses all of you too.